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Sometimes I cry so hard
So sick and tired of all the hurts
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Syakilah211192who I am, it's me to judge who i am. — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
similar guy to faisal? still remembered about write post about faisal? the post saying is there any guy that similar to faisal? i say no similar guy will be as the same as faisal but a nice guy like faisal, i think i find him already. his name for now i can't say it out now. he's 5 years older than me age doesn't bring down a friendship that's does not come across my mind he return back to school when he stopped at. same school as me,was surprised to see him there for the very first time. but i got remembered that he got said he want to return to school, i thought he was joking.. he's a rider once,i got to ride his bike still okay la.. he's ride safely when he's with me even though i was like scared and saying omg i going to die.. but still alive here.. andrew said he's a quiet guy yeah it's truth he,himself admitted it that he doesn't talk much then i think, a guy should be like that but however at same time he should be as quiet as a mouse every time. he's good listener i always complaint things to him sometimes i feel bad about it but every time i complained to him, he always trying to comfort me w/o realising it. really.. even though we like only once date ( i don't know how to say thing) he's sweet guy cute,funny at times he's gentleman i can't forget how this friendship started, first time i saw him, i was like why this guy look like a drug addict always with his fatherly looks i didn't he's like single,not married. i asked yvonne, he's married is it? yvonne said he's not, i was shocked.. maybe the appearance ba. then he's give this stare, which i don't like people to stare at me. i looked at him, said what? he's straight shook his head and looked away. that's was my first impression of him. i really don't like him at first then got one time, i don't who i talking with,in malay, he's was like shocked i can speak malay. i think he told nazry ba,dont remembered who.. wah, she's a malay ? i was like huh? yeah i'm ah( inside my heart i was like i a mixed lah) he should know ba.. then from there we start talking he still can lied about his age lol i'm not stupid okay,yvonne tell me what his age..lol but one thing i didnt asked was his name funny right.. hahahaha i asked yvonne what's his name she told me i was like ohhh that's his name. i didn't thought we will like talk ah. but no much talking cos i was like still attached back then he's got saw my ex bf b4,and my ex also got saw him b4 after cny, i was like busy working and schooling so no time go down YH to see em, i mean the riders ah.. after my break up, he's chat with on facebook the convo was so funny,till today i can't for get it how i can his num,and etc i won't forget that he's fetch me from work i was like aww so sweet.. i told yvonne,and my close friends, that we're just friends but they keep saying i like him but i keep saying no,i don't. my classmate,one day,make me realizing my true feelings, she said "i think you like him, cause you kept talking about him" then i was like yeah, why i kept talking about him? maybe what she said is true..that i like him? well its took me a while to think about it.. at last i admit it, i do like him.. not a bit but a lot. well i done with my part telling him that i like him. all is up to him.. how can a girl be as dare like that to tell a guy that she like him? some more ask him out. okay lah just like it the way it is now... Labels: almost but not the same wtf! maybe i should forget about our problem and just let it be maybe we are not fated to be friends anymore. not talking about him since one of us don't bother to said sorry and said it's my mistakes, this fucking problem will not end. up to u ah! Labels: angry mode Monday, May 30, 2011
part 2 its took him one hour plus to reply my text i thought he won't reply so i thinking of going to sleep then with a light heart and soul cause i have let out the truth when i was at my bro's house i was telling my sis in law about the confession thing my heart kept telling me that my phone got messages of course got lah i was like messages a lot of people so i went to the living room and i saw his message he said told you that i would known. have you wonder why i was dismiss from school last time? i was like omg! he knows all the long oh my! but the qns... of course i know why.. cos ma'am shakilah got tell me that he always kena cheating by girls so i replied him girls' problem? he said yes. i was like c'mon ________ i'm not rushing lah syg i told him i'm not like em' then his reply was i don't need such distraction. em' is many many girls before i've met you okay this part a bit lost don't understand distraction? mean what? me=distraction? or what? the second sentence make me wondered even more is it a good thing or bad thing? hmmm... is it a good thing that you met me? argh confusing then i asked him, meaning? i listened to my sis in law to sent another message that i'm rushing just to confessed and so on. then his replied make me more don't understand meaning i can sense trouble if anything happen what trouble?! irrits sia when i can't understand the messages is.. then i said u making me confused then he gave up and said he want to sleep of course i would let go to sleep cause i don't him tire himself out i told him its really from bottom my heart he said yes.. i appreciate it i was smiling ear to ear thank you dear! anyway, my dear mr XXXXXX whatever happen, what trouble will come i will fight it i just like you really! nothing wrong of liking a person dear don't always think of your past hurt not only you have it so do i but i learned to let it heal up all by itself even though the process is not fast enough but i just want to be happy so i forget all the hurt deleted it in fact so my dear can you please delete it too? i'm not that kind of girl that need gift or money just to get love i'm just need you to be there for me listen my daily life story listen to my problem instead of giving me headache i don't care if you can't comfort me but actually you comforting me w/o realizing it all your care and concern which make me fall for you in fact you actually sweet person but you love making me worried about you.. always tire yourself with work and school hopefully you won't get sick my dear i sound like a mother more than a friend now -.- done w part II hopefully friday got good news! Labels: mid-night movie admit it already 1 i confessed to him that i like him.. this how it happen.. 29/05/2011 22:06 i texted him saying can i asked can i asked u one question? then he said ask b4 i asked i say to him this qns must be open minded then he said go ahead then i asked what will be his reaction if a person tell him that she like you? then he said he could tell then i was like huh? he repeated himself he would have known then i was like omg this guy.. my heartbeat fast that time..i was like inside thinking should tell him or not but i gamble and told him i wanted to tell you something but hopefully u don't be surprised with what i want to say so i told him this is my first time confess to a guy (cos my ex boyfriends always e one who confessed to me i been searching for this courage to tell you this actually, i like you i like you with all your imperfection i sincerely like from bottom of my heart that's all i want to tell you.. okay i end here first part 2 later okay Labels: to be continued Sunday, May 29, 2011
pretend well didn't get to go holidays liao. stop pretend everything is okay. stop it ah. you just don't understand how it is feel alone. i don't want to talk about anything now! 我一个人了。我注定要孤独，直到永远。没有人会站在我身边。朋友 Labels: say hello to goodbye Saturday, May 28, 2011
sad-ded when you reply me, i feel the most happiest girl. i forget all painful stuff that going on. why i have yo go thru this shit? she need to be alone okay fine since that you want, i give it to you. why i always sacrifice my own feelings just for others. its okay if you hurt my feelings now. i used to it people are just selfish about their own feelings people can said don't like that ah but i the one who is going thru, not the people who say that. why is it me have to understand people feelings but why can't they? i sound so fuck up cos she have people to listen..when myself keep shutting my mouth to prevent people asking what is happening... sad right :'( crying badly now. everything i tell him about my life. but this i can't tell him i don't want people to misunderstand the true story of what is happening.. most to most i told him what is happening at work. i told him about friday thingy he's give me advice. i feel bliss to have him in my life.. at least i know someone willing to listen to what is happening in my life.. i really grateful to have him my life.. thank you so much 亲爱的! i love the you care for me! Labels: caring Tuesday, May 24, 2011
cute boy lil F  guess i'm bored don't want la text him every time text confirm he bored ma he's so funny i saw his status at 10 plus i was supposed to go out to library for meet up with musya and faizul for IS module then it was cancelled then have to stay at home anyway back to my story his status was like "Mcm sial ar! Aper nasib Nie..." i was like what happen sia. something bad happen is it? i text-ed him and asked are you okay? his reply was like "yes i'm okay..i just wake up late je" i was like -.-" ya allah nie budak ehk i thought what happen seh aiyo love making me worried like fuck ah haish and somemore he still can say go back to sleep i was wth this boy ah haix klu tak kene debarment pun dah cukup nasib ah die nie aiyo still can asked go back to sleep yeah its like 10am in the morning confirm my mom will nag at me cik abg oi.. :) Labels: love between me and sweetness only you omg! he's so sweet! why? i told him i slipped and fell he told me to be careful next time aww~ so sweet~ haix how i wish i can tell him? i like f. like you. haix Labels: sweet like sugar its 5.44 am wah! i'm really sleep early ytd i slept at 11plus maybe too tired i don't know now widely awake due some nightmare ha ha ha i listening to music but the songs really remind me of ex-boyfriend well, its all in the past Sunday, May 22, 2011
tired tired. both physical and mentally. need a break. maybe i must confession to him faster so i have something load off my mind. should i? or maybe i too tired thinking what is happening to the people around me esp.. sighing. need to watch movie alone maybe that's works Labels: unknown answer Saturday, May 21, 2011
忏悔的心在中国 当我第一次见到你，我真的不喜欢你。 但我们开始谈话，我想我们可以成为朋友。 我的关系结束之后，你开始和我聊天。 我不知道为什么，但我觉得我需要这个 谢谢你这么多 你对我的关怀和关注很多。 从那天起，我开始想念你。 我想我喜欢你 但我不认为你喜欢我 我听到的故事是关于你的女孩被骗。 但我不会骗你。 我不是物质女孩。 不是所有的女孩是物质。 不过，我就是喜欢你。 Dāng wǒ dì yīcì jiàn dào nǐ, wǒ zhēn de bù xǐhuan nǐ. Dàn wǒmen kāishǐ tánhuà, wǒ xiǎng wǒmen kěyǐ chéngwéi péngyǒu. Wǒ de guānxì jiéshù zhīhòu, nǐ kāishǐ hé wǒ liáotiān. Wǒ bù zhīdào wèishéme, dàn wǒ juéde wǒ xūyào zhège Xièxiè nǐ zhème duō Nǐ duì wǒ de guānhuái hé guānzhù hěnduō. Cóng nèitiān qǐ, wǒ kāishǐ xiǎngniàn nǐ. Wǒ xiǎng wǒ xǐhuan nǐ Dàn wǒ bù rènwéi nǐ xǐhuan wǒ Wǒ tīng dào de gùshì shì guānyú nǐ de nǚhái bèi piàn. Dàn wǒ bù huì piàn nǐ. Wǒ bùshì wùzhí nǚhái. Bùshì suǒyǒu de nǚhái shì wùzhí. Bùguò, wǒ jiùshì xǐhuan nǐ. Labels: Chànhuǐ de xīn zài zhōngguó Thursday, May 19, 2011
heart's confee-sions wondering what will happen next.. i don't know if should tell _________ that i .... him well i think that i should text him instead of telling him face to face cause i scared my tongue tie up when i want to talk him thought of telling him " hey, can i tell you something? i think i like someone..." if he ask who? oh fuck! omg! i can't believe this! i was like hmmm don't want to say oh gosh! well, i saw him ytd didn't expected it is it fate? shocking though hahahaha sometimes, i really worried like hell for him i don't know why but its naturally come to me though Labels: worried me Friendship losing a friend is one thing i afraid of especially good ones and truthful unlike...... hmmmmmmmm who do you think? well i don't wtf they think of me i still have some other peoples who still supporting anyway it's good thing they don't bother me liao it's better that way cos i don't bother em' too even though some unpleasant things just happen i just cleared the mess i think it's good now i think only ah don't if it's still bad anyway i know i got part II have not told yet but thinking if i still want to blog it out? true friends are hard to come by true enough Labels: love it Wednesday, May 18, 2011
scared i scared things won't turn out i thinking of what am i supposed to tell _________ hey i kinda wanna to tell ya something that i _______you FML man oops sound so not me hahahaha he's good listener a very good i think even though i directly talking to him but i text him 'almost' all the happenings of my life even though his reply was like short but sometimes it could long a bit hahahaha Labels: understanding person 110th so fast it's 110th posts this is how i feel towards to you i feel ease when you reply my msg eventhough you don't how comfort me but you actually comforting me just that you didn't realised it Labels: feelings Tuesday, May 17, 2011
apologised tr sms-ed him but no reply guess he's angry i don't know tell me you not angry then i will feel comfortable my heart like wanna to die like that pls forgive me i didn't mean to say that i didn't mean to say i don't know you just joking with that it's just mean to be a joke don't make me stress pls.. haix Labels: forgive me pls irritating me i realised something about me i find myself nagging wanna to know why? cause i find myself keep asking someone a lot of question but it's does not make him feel irritating i asked him am i nagging then he said not really..why? then i said i kept asking him question but he kept answer my questions then he said its okay. he told me he don't talk much anyways then i said i can see that then i asked again am i irritating? then this question really took a long time for him to reply me his reply make me feel like i want to cry but at the same time sweet don't tell you guys hahahaha however i feel sad too and get irrits by someone i'm not ready for any commitment if you asked anyone inside my hearts it could be a yes or no its does not matter to you anyway thanks for making me piss off by grabbing my ciggy away the ring that you gave me i will keep it just memories Labels: irritated alone walked alone again just now actually i could have continue walking from there to home but i could not take it took bus home from jp i supposed could take about 1hr to reach home but today took me more than 1hr almost fainted just now really want collapse whenever i stop at bus stop my heart could not take it it could stop anytime just now it went breathless just now it's okay end of this month everything will be say out Labels: lonely night Monday, May 16, 2011
5566 - Fang Shou Yi Bo love this song suddenly it's give me the strength of fighting all the devil at work and my life quote from the songs lyric " i need you blessing when i'm battling others" "confident that i won't give up" i don't care if the world a part, i will not lose. anyway 5566 still handsome as they used to. OMG! confessing 16 days more or 15 days more? should i? i suddenly scared. do i need to do that? i heard that you always got cheating from girls but i won't cos i know how hurtful it is i won't waste ur money cos i'm not materialistic girl if i want something, i can save it and buy it later when i have the money falling deeply confessions of a girl heart is not easy i will try 15 days to go Labels: confession Saturday, May 14, 2011
a story to be told i have a friend i thought our friendship will last forever to eternity however due circumstance and personality clash, our friendship is destroy people will say us crazy cos one point time we are okay but another are not when i just got to know her, i thought she can be trust ,kind , caring, and so on. all the nice things however sometime nice things does not stay long. i used to make her cry cos when i'm tired will tend to scold people this will sound childish, but no choice my character is like that everyone character is different but this does not give way to her to do something surprise that i did not think that she will do i quite dislike personality, attitude and character her laziness at work make me dislike her more well that something that i supposed to say here about half a year ago. i don't know what should i called her as traitor? backstabber? two-facer? how could a friend change into foe overnight (to be continue) Labels: part 1 comforting how come some guys don't know how to comfort girls? anyway nvm that wtf ytd some china woman make me piss off supervisor should do things better than a staff but this is worse you want go back please top up the station how come you can become supervisor you suck up to their is it? that's at work yvonne find out i smoking kena confiscated cigarette oops what can i do? Told you i'm not ready commitment why you don't understand? yvonne said something that i really think i'm not making_________ a replacement. really,i won't. cos i know myself if i like that, long time do liaoz. but i won't cos i'm not ready for another tiring relationship esp when a guy don't know how to comfort can consider very weird Labels: complaint done Thursday, May 12, 2011
100th post fuck man how can a person blog so many in one day? maybe i fucking stress and no one to talk to. today to be exact just now i did two mistakes one its a grave mistake the other one i don't know should i call small mistake or big mistake? the grave mistake i was stupidly indirectly helped hairil which really pissed yvonne up what can't just stfu haix the another mistake this fucking rider i think his name rahim idk n idc he kept asking me a lot of question which irrits me somehow ques no. 1 what ur age? still can take it ques no 2 what urs name? i asked him to guess hahaha ques no 3 where u schooling? i told him reluctantly ngee ann poly then he asked again do you know__________ inside my heart was..... wtf... then i said softly no i don't him fuck sia what did i say that.. then hairil plk menyampok ehk takkan ko tak knl sape yg bwk "ape type motor pun aku tak tau lah" ke skolah then this rahim continue questioning me where do u live? then i say buat pe nak tahu then hairil plk masuk frame ye la mana tahu ___________ bleh hantar ko balik tak perlu ko pekik terlolong kat fb perlu taxi then i really chase aft hairil wtf sia i was diam lah korang nie haix then i went to see yvonne she still fucking piss off haix then i went out hairil,rahim n ______ was outside i went far away from em to light my ciggy so that yvonne wont find out i smoke but this fucker rahim kept calling me baby fuck sia you not fit to call me baby okay then he saw me w ciggy in my mouth la i was like shit nvm ah idc no more then i turn one around b4 i went in YH b4 i went in, i need to fucking pass em' then rahim kept psst.. crazy guy then i could not take it i went home alone walking from YH to my home tired sia Labels: mistakes i'm always bitch i guess if i don't love you, our relationship won't last that long la pandai. if u think i'm that kind of girl,i'm sorry i guess you don't know me well you know how hard to please me its fucking tired if you a relationship that never end argument you can spout all your nonsense to your friends you and your beloved sister same never think before saying anything or do anything well you always said i always want to win but how many i sacrifice my happiness just to fit to your needs and wants guess you didn't think maturely enough if you think i'm the type of girl like those in geylang i swear to god, you still don't know me aft our long relationship damn it man this guy is making me depress why didn't bang into car just now? Labels: stressful Wednesday, May 11, 2011
jangan sembarangan ah! if you know who is it, don't assume cos ur assumption is wrong the person that you think, that you assume, is only my colleague he is too young he's not my cup of tea he is nice though don't assume you know everything don't ever think that thru fb you can get to know the person i will keep that person a secret haix don't understand why people like assume they think they know everything biut too bad they don't hahaha anyway i'm not angry or hold any grudges i just tell you argh! i still want another ride Labels: nonsense assumption smoker Funny right if a smoker can't stand others smoke two stick at same time can make you dizzy Labels: smoking my thoughts it seem that i to be in my own world i know is impossible let me suppress this feeling of mine let it fade to thin air i don't want it to be one sided it need two hands to clap well let it go why its always me sacrifice my happiness for others? anyway thanks for that one ride that one ride i will remember forever in fact i rmbr every single details of that day i don't think you will read it right Labels: feelings Tuesday, May 10, 2011
a similar guy? suddenly this thoughts come to my mind is there any guy that similar to faisal? okay. some people will wonder who faisal? what make me suddenly talked about him? well let me reveal the story well this story is not matter to me cos it just a history part of my past faisal is not a perfect guy not the awesome guy but his heart really touch he is fucking nice eventhough sometime his non predictable temper scared me away he sat beside me during my N level year i'm so fucking childish lor during that part of time i was like how many time want to break up friendship him. i know,it's like stupid to do hahahah i hold my feelings for 1 year plus b4 i move on to be with my ex boyfriend it's hard for me to forget faisal but eventually i did but the memories between us still alive in my mind however the feelings for him i guess it disappear into thin air when i saw my ex boyfriend's blog post i was wondering is there any another nice guys like faisal? no. no one is similar to faisal let him be a memory in my heart if i get to meet another guy like faisal but it won't be the same every human beings is not same everyone have their own personality and attitude Labels: memories single? why? for how many times it happen to me? single again? thank you for understanding now you understand why i don't want to say a word cos i know myself my personality my attitude everything and my heart my wants my desire the happiness i want i know myself truly i can scold people without any thinking i can confront with my harsh words but i don't to do that anymore why? is it easy for me to stfu the people who babbling nonsense well i guess i changed a lot. i guess i stronger in someway now except i still cmi when people scold me i will still take into my heart and cry well, here msg to you from, hey, thank you for understanding and everything i appreciate that alot i know i been a bitch all this while but you still care for this bitch i'm sorry i'm not ready for anything yet i just want to enjoy my life now i want to study hard i'm sorry if i hurt you in some way i'm sorry i got criticize your sister in some way however, i have to move on i just want pursue my own happiness i know its like very that i want to forget you but don't get it wrong it seem hard to erase a person in my heart to be truthful anyway all the best to find your happiness if you happen to see me, just say hi! i won't run away okay that's all i got to say Labels: love can be hurtful at times stop! stop pressurize me unless you want me to do something stupid... i need my time to be alone need the spaces to alone.. if you let me have some time to think i can have clearer mind of what i want i begging you people few that make things that make me think is what your beloved sister have said from the start to the very end,do i even not appreciate for you did for our relationship? if i don't appreciate ur love n what have done for? then what for we last this long? in a relationship, when a couple broke up,its not only one party is being hurt.. why must i changed for better? don't you see how much i changed? what nonsensical behavior of mine? now you understand why i need to think this long? i know i sound like "wtf,bitch" but this is the fact people don't understand what the shits we going thru they only know how to open their fucking mouth and babbling nonsense if that someone don't know how to stop babbling don't blame if things turn out bad rmbr this, i have not forget and forgiven for that incident people may look genuine but their heart damn fucking black hati busuk Labels: irrits Monday, May 9, 2011
not about ranting or complaint! not about ranting or complaint! it's about how people treat you! i was so shocked to hear that ytd WTF! i felt guilty didn't managed celebrate mother's day ytd with my mom since i have to 12-11pm i know everyone who work ytd didn't have chance to celebrate it but this not the way to repay my kindness to help you guys working just sid to me,sakilah pls smile okay. i will listen don't need to threat me till want to ask me to go home ah too much kindness that i showed does not appreciated people keep climbing up my head take me as grant from now onward no more nice lady Labels: gratitude pls Sunday, May 8, 2011
regret everyone regret when we did a mistakes but why when we did it, we never think about consequences this is what i called life do things without thinking Labels: dashed hope Feelings don't understand what am i feeling right now? maybe it's because my heart is empty when my heart is empty, when a person show me some concern. my heart feel full of happiness. however,when concern show to me short period of time my heart return to back to empty maybe it's just one sided.. Labels: heart Saturday, May 7, 2011
words of wisdom
i guess i need some space to think if i'm done thinking hopefully the answer won't hurt anyone Friday, May 6, 2011
don't think you know all you can say everything you want say but i tell you this, you don't live my life you don't understand the hardship of my life people's personality is nuture by condition of life don't insult other people cos you are insulting god who created us who can say whatever you want cos i cant be bother by you anyway,i won't f***ing forget what you did to me just because i dont confront, doesn't mean i forgive you manusia bertopeng syaitan jgn act good2 okay whoever reading this, if you get angry with post, i guess you knew what you did to me.. traitor! i hate traitor! ku disini-Fauziah latiff actually songs sometimes can be similar to people's life this is one of my favorite Ku di sini meratapi kasih hilang pergi Ku mengerti pengorbanan ini Andai beginikah penghinaan Oh Tuhan Ku di sini melewati hari penuh duri i'm sorry i can't translate this but it is very meaningful to me Labels: songs at the moment my answer to you why i kept my thought from others? i'm a very f***ing secretive person. i don't want hurt people that i love with my selfish thought but it hurt that a person didn't kept their promise to me. i trying my f***ing best not say it out. as i don't wish to have another argument and quarreling but end up, arguing. then what's e point of me trying my f***ing not say out my selfish thought if say out,what does it show me as a person? to me, i don't asked people to buy me things. cos i don't want to trouble people with my wants. i trying to suppress my emotional right now i don't want to keep crying whenever i think about the break up and etc i just want to be happy i know he still care for me me? i don't know i don't to be depress till i.. well, do stupid stuff.. i just need someone who cheer me up.. but who? who is willingly to be there for me? i have no answer for me to fall other guys right now.. i don't have the clear mind of it yet maybe i'm just not ready. people will think i fake it up but yeah i'm really not ready i may be single BUT there's but in my sentence NOT AVAILABLE AND NOT READY MINGLE the mingle part sound a bit fake. cos in my life, i still have guys friend that have to talk to. i mean like school stuff i can't possible say hey i hate guys cos of ex boyfriend no lah i won't do that cos i don't hate guys okay that's crap. hahahaha anyway, i have say it all out PS i hope you understand and thanks for ur care n concern don't worry so much i will take care of myself does that assure you enough? Labels: heartbreaking |
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When i done crying,you're gone
Gone far away from this world |
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